nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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