yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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