Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize