u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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