I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
