no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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