I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize