You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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