feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Never joke about your clitoris.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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