Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
