i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
