so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
this hospital has no fireball
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
