I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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