ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
