this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
