We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
