i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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