I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
