just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize