What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
