Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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