Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
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