Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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