i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
