You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
