Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
