a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Randomize
