he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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