hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Yo dont text me then not text me
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
