Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
