I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You were trust falling into bushes
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
