dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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