Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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