I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
