So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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