True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
