i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
being pregnant is like rehab
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize