Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
