There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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