She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Randomize
