Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
