i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
