I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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