is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
