Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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