new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
