i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
