I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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