FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
