Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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