you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
