You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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