I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I met the friendliest cop last night
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I yelled at your uterus for you.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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