he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
