I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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