HIV tests are more positive than that guy
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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