I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
