I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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