you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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