he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
