wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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