I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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