dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
