and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
