I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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