I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
