Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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