i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
