Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
