she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
