just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
