you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
