at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
This is not my ceiling
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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