It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
