and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
