i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
