why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
