I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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