Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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