I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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