There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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