Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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