I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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