its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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