its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
