I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
