just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
