K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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