dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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