Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
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